funny pictures with quotes

Hypochondriacs squander large sums of time in search of nostrums by which they vainly hope they may get more time to squander. ~Mortimer Collins



You can't take something off the Internet - it's like taking pee out of a pool. ~Author Unknown, 1995



A cat's got her own opinion of human beings. She don't say much, but you can tell enough to make you anxious not to hear the whole of it. ~Jerome K. Jerome



He had been eight years upon a project for extracting sunbeams out of cucumbers, which were to be put into vials hermetically sealed, and let out to warm the air in raw, inclement summers. ~Jonathan Swift



Historians are themselves products of history. ~Paul K. Conkin and Roland N. Stromberg, Heritage and Challenge



Self-confidence grows on trees, in other people's orchards. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960



The first time you buy a house you see how pretty the paint is and buy it. The second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It's the same with men. ~Lupe Velez



All diseases run into one, old age. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson



On J-Day our profession will have a lot to answer for! We might at least have withheld our hands instead of making them work against God. ~Martin H. Fischer



The conscious mind may be compared to a fountain playing in the sun and falling back into the great subterranean pool of subconscious from which it rises. ~Sigmund Freud



Violence in the voice is often only the death rattle of reason in the throat. ~John Frederick Boyes



Failure and success seem to have been allotted to men by their stars. But they retain the power of wriggling, of fighting with their star or against it, and in the whole universe the only really interesting movement is this wriggle. ~E.M. Forester



I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am. ~Sylvia Plath



The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity. ~Mark Twain



Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful. ~William Morris



Ods me I marle what pleasure or felicity they have in taking their roguish tobacco. It is good for nothing but to choke a man, and fill him full of smoke and embers. ~Ben Jonson, Every Man in His Humour



Yet this is health: To have a body functioning so perfectly that when its few simple needs are met it never calls attention to its own existence. ~Bertha Stuart Dyment



That son of a bitch was able to hole a putt over 60 feet of peanut brittle. ~Lloyd Mangrum, about Bobby Locke



Angels are messengers, but sometimes we misunderstand their language. ~Linda Solegato



A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years. ~Rupert Brooke